remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
