We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
