Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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