Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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