I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there is glitter all over my balls
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
