it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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