apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
being pregnant is like rehab
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
