yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
