How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
is that a dick in a sweater?
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