Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
