I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
