Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
