Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
