wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
