i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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