if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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