Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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