I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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