ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
