Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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