Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How's work?
Spinning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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