Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
