The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
