She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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