Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
