Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
