Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize