My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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