it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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