I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
