I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
