If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
