I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently you make a good broom.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
