dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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