if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
