Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I FOUND THE LEGS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
