Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
