i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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