I hate all girls vehemently.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We are two peas in an std pod
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize