and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
