I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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