i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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