need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
