Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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