My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize