I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
