i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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