He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize