he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
