You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
