He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize