i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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