That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
