she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
