i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize