new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
