The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
