He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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