my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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