you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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