You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
