I just pynch a tree in the face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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