dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
