are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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