Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
