Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
