Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
