I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
