He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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