The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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