i already hear my dad disowning me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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