I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
