Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
