Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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