I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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